I just finished American Gods by Neil Gaiman, and I think the man is a genius! Last year I read his Graveyard book and enjoyed it very much. Working in a school, I tend to read young adult, children's books and for some reason I just assumed the Gaiman only writes for kids. It was therefore something of a shock to get to the second line in American Gods and he dropped the f bomb. A quick readjustment of thoughts and everything was good again. In the end I realized I loved the book, for the moments of truth I read in it.
I died in June. I came back, clearly, but I just like saying it like that "I died in June." it's dramatic, sure. But also it's a finish, the me I was, I died in June. It says very plainly, I am not the person I was before, there was a death, and oddly a strange mourning period as well. I will go into this experience at some point, I want to put it down to remember it, because I learned a lot that needs to be remembered. It's that remembering that causes me trouble and ties in with American Gods, there is an entire speel about struggling to remember the things you learned when you were dead. Now I don't know that I learned anything when I was dead, but the coming back, that gave me a lot to think about. And it's hard to keep those thoughts fresh when everyday life drowns out the voice within.
I wonder if it's because we aren't meant to realize how amazing we are. The world would be turned on it's ear if we all walked around believing we are incredible works of art. Which we are, hell yes we are. But knowing it, some of us are born with that knowledge and some of us, like me, have to go through something to even glimpse a tiny portion of what is within us. So I died, and came back and realized life is short and you gotta move in the direction of your dreams because tomorrow might not come.
So I started making lists, bucket lists, goals, the usual things. All of that lead to the Planner Page, which is awesome, as I've noted a time or two before. On the Planner Page is my decree that I will read for 20 minutes a day. Which wasn't hard, and isn't hard, because I read all day long with kids. I'm currently reading several young adult books, across all lower grades, at the rate of one chapter per day. Slow going I know. And not the sort of reading I meant. Reading for pleasure, a book of my choice. Therein lies the trouble. I haven't been able to find a book that fits my current mood. I found the last book so satisfying that thinking of what to read next froze me. Today I decided I would further hunt up a book and have stumbled upon something that might be a jewel. The review sounded almost like it was a peek into my life. However upon reading into it I think she is nuttier than I am. Open House: A Novel by Elizabeth Berg, just called to me 40-something woman going through a divorce, an 11 year old son? Hmm I am intrigued. I shall keep you all posted as to how it turns out. So far it held me tight enough that listening to my son read his story to me had me glancing at the kindle anxiously, eager to read what comes next.
However I was a good mom and didn't just half listen to my son, and as a result I was treated to something I didn't really expect, a pleasant experience. When I wasn't looking my son developed a written voice. There is humor and wit in his words. I found myself smiling as I listened. I think his classmates will appreciate it too. Even if they don't, I now have a better idea of how to encourage him to participate in the Young Authors at school. When I least expect it my son dazzles me with who he is becoming. I'm glad for the opportunity to know him.
That was only a slight sidetrack, and an important one so I'll allow it. My point I was getting to about searching for the type of book is that it turns out, I'm in the mood for a romance. It happens to the best of us, though it still makes me cringe with shame. Why would I want to waste my time reading drivel like that? Because it's fun, and sometimes it feeds a need within me. I think that is the case this time out. So I should probably be reading bodice rippers or something equally sexual, maybe a nice Christine Feehan? I've read a couple of them. Or maybe a Stephanie Laurens? Those ones make me all squirmy and damp. But then maybe I already am that way and seek something else, a deeper connection? As I type I realize that is exactly it. It even explains the unusual turn my fantasy has taken recently. It's not enough to have pervy sex, no, I want to hear the tender words too. So not like me but, maybe that's part of the new me as well. She catches me by surprise, how amazing the woman I am, is.
Today has ended on a high note, I am thinking I satisfied so many of my tasks today, even the ones that are personal to me, reading, writing and there are just too many things I am grateful for today to even find a single one; grateful for my son, for my mom, for my life, for the simple joy of crossing off a to do from the list, friends, fall weather and the beauty of the season. Far too many things for me to pick just one, but damn it feels good to list them here. November is coming and with that the new tradition I want to create for my son and I, daily grateful rocks (or leaves, or acorns, or walnuts...or whatever I decide we will write on). Each night at dinner we will write down one thing we are grateful for in our life. So that when Thanksgiving comes around, we have felt the weight of it each day of the month. I approve of this. Pinterest gave me the idea!
I love, with a giant red heart love, Pinterest. I've created posters for the classroom, activities for the students, bulletin board layouts, all from stuff I've seen there. It just proves that a little collaboration goes far! With the right people at the right moment, magic can happen.
I could use a bit more magic in my life...
Monday, October 22, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Some days
Today was one of those days. Not the awful ones. Not a great one either. It was just a day filled with minor downs and ups to balance things out. By the end of the day I'd gotten a great deal done and was feeling like everything was gonna swing upward.
I believed this when I got home and my son wanted to talk with me about issues of an eleven year old boy. Girls, puberty, telling a girl you think she's pretty, gift giving, bowling...the usual stuff.
However as I lay here at the end of the night I'm wondering if perhaps I shouldn't have been so happy with my day. Now I'm annoyed at my cousin, frustrated at my son and stressed. It's not the end of the world, it's just a bump. I just wish the night hadn't ended with such a bump.
My cousin doesn't have children. It's probably unfair of me to say that first, but as it plays into her life it bears mentioning. She doesn't have children yet believes she has a right to voice her opinion on how I raise my child. She once confessed to me that she was never going to have children because "she didn't want to do to them what her mom and done to her and her sister". I knew this to be a very sane and noble thing to decide. I have always respected her for it. So she knows we maybe weren't brought up in the best manner. Yet she will always revert to treating my child the way she was treated as a child. And when I call her on this bullshit she says we grew up just fine. If that was true we both wouldn't be living here.
At least that is how I see it. I must be broken in some manner that I am unable to survive on my own. I've had this thought a few times and it always leads to other self abuse. So I won't stumble down that path tonight. Undoubtedly I will put a pin in it to revisit another time. Something to look forward to.
Back to tonight. So tonight's issue was telling my son to go brush his teeth and get ready for bed. She said let me, I say okay why not. Yeah she took the opportunity to be bitch like to him. He responded poorly, she escalated it, so then he did and then she did and I walked out and put an end to it. Or so I thought. But really no, while I was going to the bathroom she got back in his face saying bet you didn't clean the cat boxes yet. Which of course he hadn't. So that was exactly what she needed to go at him some more. I come outta the bathroom she's storming to her room and he is in near tears. Turns out she scratched his neck or something, I don't know I wasn't there. I settled him down and he thought he'd ask her to do the boxes for him. I said ask but expect her to say no. So he gets halfway into the hall and she announces "NO!" so he storms back into the living room and throws himself down in the chair. I put my stuff down and go out, tell him to get his teeth brushed now. And I went to clean the cat boxes myself, mostly because I'm sure she did hurt him, not intentionally but it's how her mom treated her, so she thinks it's normal to do things. For the record, she would never hit him, in anger like her mother hit her. She just sometimes doesn't realize what she does...
So I go to do the boxes and she comes storming out telling me no, I won't do that for him. I said oh yes I will, it's late and he needs to get to bed, I can do this it's not a huge deal. So she gets pissed at me, telling me no wonder my child is spoiled because I give in to his whining. Most times I'm good about giving in, but tonight I knew that wasn't it, I was really just doing the kid a favor. I know parents work hard outside the home so kids should do chores. Lately though I've been thinking the kid deserves a break now and again. So I did the boxes, took all of 5 minutes and because I took those 5 minutes my cousin is seriously angry at me, my son is feeling guilty and I'm feeling upset.
My upset isn't because she's right, it's because she really believes she has a right to tell me how to raise my son. I am floored by her belief that she is better at it than I am. I'm not perfect, oh god no, not by a long shot, but I know I'm better than I think I am. Which means I'm doing a pretty good job. My son is 11, they whine, they grumble, they drag their feet in hopes another will get frustrated and do the thing before they have to. But my son is also one of the most compassionate people I know. And the wisest, and the sweetest, probably one of the smartest...well you get the idea, I'm something of a fan of his.
My point is, I must be doing something right. A lot of something. Which is another reason I'm annoyed with myself. How dare I let my cousin who I already know wouldn't be a good mom, make me feel like I'm doing something wrong! Seriously.
A night that started out fine is now filled with sadness at the loss of her company tonight. I like spending time with her, when she's not all ranting. And tonight she's all ranting. So instead I wrote this. Which satisfies my 20 minute writing goal.
And it's back to a high note!
I believed this when I got home and my son wanted to talk with me about issues of an eleven year old boy. Girls, puberty, telling a girl you think she's pretty, gift giving, bowling...the usual stuff.
However as I lay here at the end of the night I'm wondering if perhaps I shouldn't have been so happy with my day. Now I'm annoyed at my cousin, frustrated at my son and stressed. It's not the end of the world, it's just a bump. I just wish the night hadn't ended with such a bump.
My cousin doesn't have children. It's probably unfair of me to say that first, but as it plays into her life it bears mentioning. She doesn't have children yet believes she has a right to voice her opinion on how I raise my child. She once confessed to me that she was never going to have children because "she didn't want to do to them what her mom and done to her and her sister". I knew this to be a very sane and noble thing to decide. I have always respected her for it. So she knows we maybe weren't brought up in the best manner. Yet she will always revert to treating my child the way she was treated as a child. And when I call her on this bullshit she says we grew up just fine. If that was true we both wouldn't be living here.
At least that is how I see it. I must be broken in some manner that I am unable to survive on my own. I've had this thought a few times and it always leads to other self abuse. So I won't stumble down that path tonight. Undoubtedly I will put a pin in it to revisit another time. Something to look forward to.
Back to tonight. So tonight's issue was telling my son to go brush his teeth and get ready for bed. She said let me, I say okay why not. Yeah she took the opportunity to be bitch like to him. He responded poorly, she escalated it, so then he did and then she did and I walked out and put an end to it. Or so I thought. But really no, while I was going to the bathroom she got back in his face saying bet you didn't clean the cat boxes yet. Which of course he hadn't. So that was exactly what she needed to go at him some more. I come outta the bathroom she's storming to her room and he is in near tears. Turns out she scratched his neck or something, I don't know I wasn't there. I settled him down and he thought he'd ask her to do the boxes for him. I said ask but expect her to say no. So he gets halfway into the hall and she announces "NO!" so he storms back into the living room and throws himself down in the chair. I put my stuff down and go out, tell him to get his teeth brushed now. And I went to clean the cat boxes myself, mostly because I'm sure she did hurt him, not intentionally but it's how her mom treated her, so she thinks it's normal to do things. For the record, she would never hit him, in anger like her mother hit her. She just sometimes doesn't realize what she does...
So I go to do the boxes and she comes storming out telling me no, I won't do that for him. I said oh yes I will, it's late and he needs to get to bed, I can do this it's not a huge deal. So she gets pissed at me, telling me no wonder my child is spoiled because I give in to his whining. Most times I'm good about giving in, but tonight I knew that wasn't it, I was really just doing the kid a favor. I know parents work hard outside the home so kids should do chores. Lately though I've been thinking the kid deserves a break now and again. So I did the boxes, took all of 5 minutes and because I took those 5 minutes my cousin is seriously angry at me, my son is feeling guilty and I'm feeling upset.
My upset isn't because she's right, it's because she really believes she has a right to tell me how to raise my son. I am floored by her belief that she is better at it than I am. I'm not perfect, oh god no, not by a long shot, but I know I'm better than I think I am. Which means I'm doing a pretty good job. My son is 11, they whine, they grumble, they drag their feet in hopes another will get frustrated and do the thing before they have to. But my son is also one of the most compassionate people I know. And the wisest, and the sweetest, probably one of the smartest...well you get the idea, I'm something of a fan of his.
My point is, I must be doing something right. A lot of something. Which is another reason I'm annoyed with myself. How dare I let my cousin who I already know wouldn't be a good mom, make me feel like I'm doing something wrong! Seriously.
A night that started out fine is now filled with sadness at the loss of her company tonight. I like spending time with her, when she's not all ranting. And tonight she's all ranting. So instead I wrote this. Which satisfies my 20 minute writing goal.
And it's back to a high note!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Fall arrived
Fall arrived today. Fat droplets fell from the sky and leaves danced across the pavement driven by blowing winds. I'm not sure which is most Fall like, is it the wind, that, while constant, is suddenly so much faster, and louder? Or is it the return of the rain? Or perhaps it's the unexpected arrival of the frogs that screams fall? I'm pretty sure it's not the last because the only other time I've seen the frogs out and about in such numbers was the middle of the first summer we got here.
I live in the Pacific Northwest, which I have done most of my life (we seldom mention the brief (8 year) stint I spent in the midwest). I grew up with slugs everywhere, nothing worse than stepping on a slug in bare feet. You can wash and wash but that feeling is still there, a slimy reminder your brain won't let go of. I didn't know there were frogs here though, well tree frogs anyway. Until I came back and moved further north and suddenly there they are, everywhere! This summer I kept waiting to see them and didn't. It's been dry here, as with most of the country but it didn't occur to me that they were waiting for rain. Now that the rain has returned the frogs were out like crazy. We counted no less than 10 of them on the sliding glass door last night. I need a better camera, so I can take great pictures to share.
**As a side note, I did find the camera I want for Christmas. It's a Sony NEX F 3 with a bundle but I already know there is no chance in I wonder if I should take up a collection amongst those who gift buy for me?**
So back to my frog story...sort of. I guess the only other thing I would add, aside from loving the frogs is that, while trying to figure out if this could be a topic of discussion with a friend I learned that some frogs in the world are in trouble. My plan is to dig a little deeper to find out if they built the arks or not. After all this story was from 2008!
I've already shifted my planner page, again. See with the arrival of fall I realize I can no longer hide from the Event I should be planning for that will happen on the 30th of this month. I am not excited about this project, Halloween is not my favorite holiday. Though I totally get into that Harvest Festival type celebration. This event got thrust on us and now I've got to make it a go. It's getting close to last minute and that means crazy stress mode for me. Something I don't want to happen this year. So, while it might not make a difference for this event, I still have two more this year to plan for. One in December and the final one at the end of May. I might be helping the team across the street put one together too, have to see if they take me up on the offer. So many possible great themes, I'd love to do a Rodent Readers type thing, with all the rodent heros from books. Can't think of any? Are you sure? What about Stuart Little? Runaway Ralph? Mrs. Frisby? Too old school for you? How about Emmy and the Incredible Shrinking Rat? That's not counting the numerous mouse heros that populate picture books! But sadly we won't be doing a mouse themed event this year. Our upcoming one is a version of All Hallows Read. In December it's for the book fair and will have the All Stars theme again, and in May it'll be a science event thanks to the book fair theme being Story Laboratory.
I'm thinking it would be nice if I had some sorta focus for this blog, but right now it's whatever comes into my head gets slapped down. So why is it the word slapped got me thinking wayward thoughts? Must be something...if I could just put my fingers on it.....
I live in the Pacific Northwest, which I have done most of my life (we seldom mention the brief (8 year) stint I spent in the midwest). I grew up with slugs everywhere, nothing worse than stepping on a slug in bare feet. You can wash and wash but that feeling is still there, a slimy reminder your brain won't let go of. I didn't know there were frogs here though, well tree frogs anyway. Until I came back and moved further north and suddenly there they are, everywhere! This summer I kept waiting to see them and didn't. It's been dry here, as with most of the country but it didn't occur to me that they were waiting for rain. Now that the rain has returned the frogs were out like crazy. We counted no less than 10 of them on the sliding glass door last night. I need a better camera, so I can take great pictures to share.
**As a side note, I did find the camera I want for Christmas. It's a Sony NEX F 3 with a bundle but I already know there is no chance in I wonder if I should take up a collection amongst those who gift buy for me?**
So back to my frog story...sort of. I guess the only other thing I would add, aside from loving the frogs is that, while trying to figure out if this could be a topic of discussion with a friend I learned that some frogs in the world are in trouble. My plan is to dig a little deeper to find out if they built the arks or not. After all this story was from 2008!
I've already shifted my planner page, again. See with the arrival of fall I realize I can no longer hide from the Event I should be planning for that will happen on the 30th of this month. I am not excited about this project, Halloween is not my favorite holiday. Though I totally get into that Harvest Festival type celebration. This event got thrust on us and now I've got to make it a go. It's getting close to last minute and that means crazy stress mode for me. Something I don't want to happen this year. So, while it might not make a difference for this event, I still have two more this year to plan for. One in December and the final one at the end of May. I might be helping the team across the street put one together too, have to see if they take me up on the offer. So many possible great themes, I'd love to do a Rodent Readers type thing, with all the rodent heros from books. Can't think of any? Are you sure? What about Stuart Little? Runaway Ralph? Mrs. Frisby? Too old school for you? How about Emmy and the Incredible Shrinking Rat? That's not counting the numerous mouse heros that populate picture books! But sadly we won't be doing a mouse themed event this year. Our upcoming one is a version of All Hallows Read. In December it's for the book fair and will have the All Stars theme again, and in May it'll be a science event thanks to the book fair theme being Story Laboratory.
I'm thinking it would be nice if I had some sorta focus for this blog, but right now it's whatever comes into my head gets slapped down. So why is it the word slapped got me thinking wayward thoughts? Must be something...if I could just put my fingers on it.....
Saturday, October 13, 2012
My beautiful Planner Page
Okay, here it is, I hope, the previously mentioned Planner page I created, and will keep creating, to keep me on top of my life. I could laminate it and use the same one all year but I put information I want to keep track of on my pages and I find that having to transfer that information to my calendar doesn't work for me. So I just print them off for the week and move on. This week by week printing means that if I make a change I don't have to toss out a bunch I already printed out, or that I have to wait for a month to use the changes.
It's pretty simple, I think it does an excellent job of explaining itself. Just a couple things to mention; Beats is like a police beat, areas I patrol daily. Glisten is my exercise section. I could have put that with Beats but I wanted to be able to input what I did for exercise. Sometimes a walk, sometimes yoga, sometimes just taking the stairs all day long. Maybe I could even get to the point where I put a sexual workout on there, should that become an option again. I love the flexibility of it! Also, the flowers at the top, they are a discreet way to track Shark Week, I just color in the flowers. Looks like doodling but in reality is purposeful. I do so love it when that happens!
At the bottom the HUGE section that says remember, won't always be that huge, I've noticed my Beats list needs room to grow, depending on what is going on with my life. So I allowed for that with the Remember section. I am considering a section called Weeklies, stuff I do once or twice a week to help keep track, and ensure I get that done. I'll post an update if I do that.
Without further ado, my Planner Page.
It's pretty simple, I think it does an excellent job of explaining itself. Just a couple things to mention; Beats is like a police beat, areas I patrol daily. Glisten is my exercise section. I could have put that with Beats but I wanted to be able to input what I did for exercise. Sometimes a walk, sometimes yoga, sometimes just taking the stairs all day long. Maybe I could even get to the point where I put a sexual workout on there, should that become an option again. I love the flexibility of it! Also, the flowers at the top, they are a discreet way to track Shark Week, I just color in the flowers. Looks like doodling but in reality is purposeful. I do so love it when that happens!
At the bottom the HUGE section that says remember, won't always be that huge, I've noticed my Beats list needs room to grow, depending on what is going on with my life. So I allowed for that with the Remember section. I am considering a section called Weeklies, stuff I do once or twice a week to help keep track, and ensure I get that done. I'll post an update if I do that.
Without further ado, my Planner Page.
Personality assessment
I'm a North, and the first time I learned that I was shocked and proud. It means I'm a bulldozer, pushing through things (those things might even be people) to get whatever needs done, done. What is a North and how did I learn this? At work every year we go through a training that includes the use of the Leadership Compass training. It's my favorite training each year simply because I get the reminder that I'm part of a small group of motivated people. I'm not always very motivated on my own. Left to my own devices I've spent all day in bed. So it's good to be reminded that I can also get many things done, on time, at short notice.
That is in my work life though, and I suppose really I turn that off as soon as I leave the building. At team meetings I'm not the charge forward bulldoze everyone sort. Okay well we are not mentioning the time I shouted (yes SHOUTED) "NO!". I was justified. I was. When you are told at just after 11 am that the trainers only have another hour and a half of material to present for the entire day, you don't say a 30 minute lunch is needed. You DON'T! No you pull on your big person drawers and you blaze through. In the end I was heard, sort of, they settled on a 20 minute break. Generally speaking though, I'm not my super North at team meetings, I'm content to sit and listen, input as needed and let others take the lead.
In my personal life, things are different. I'm an extreme South, and a submissive. It got me wondering if all Souths might be submissive. Even as I type that I think nope, I don't think they are, I think they would be doormats. However that could be my North coming out. I abhor weakness, which could lead me down a whole road of possible causes of self hatred. I mean submissive, means weak doesn't it? Isn't that why they need someone to tell them what to do? (Oh if you could see the grin on my face as I am typing...) Submissives aren't weak. Think about it. (Really, stop right here and think a moment about this) Do you have the courage to put your care and decisions into the hands of another? Do you trust someone else enough to let them decide what you can take and for how long?
For the record I am not talking Fifty Shades of Stupid, submission. I hated that book. I loved Mr. Grey, the things I could do with a man like that. If he'd let me, of course. (Laughing) If I would have been holding a book, instead of my Kindle (which I LOVE, by the way, thank you my Aussie friend, for encouraging that purchase!) I would have thrown the book across the room at the end. She is a fool, that character. I wanted to shake her, tell her to move aside and let a real woman show her how it's done. So naturally I feel no desire to read the other two books in the series. I hear she ruins Grey, pussy whips, I imagine. Sure I want love in my relationship, but I also want spice and pain and to be driven. So my dominant should love me, love me enough to call me a worthless cunt and take a whip to me. Or say nothing while gagging me with his cock down my throat. It's not too much to ask, is it?
At our last team meeting, we discussed the results of three of the four personality tests we were asked to take. My favorite, hands down, was the Enneagram, I found it to be the hardest one. A lot of the statements could have been me. We all say that, I know because at lunch another team member borrowed my Mac, took the test and kept saying, these both could be me. However it was particularly challenging to me because I've changed, fundamentally, since June. So I'm trying hard to be the person I always wanted to be, the one who demands action and adventure because life is short and you never know when you won't be part of it anymore. I must have did something right on that test though because it announced that I am a type Four, the Individualist. Aside from a few minor points of contention I would agree. I am a Four. Now I am curious about what others I know might be. My co worker, member of the team I work with daily, is a Helper, and we both got the Investigator as our second. We work well together, her and I, this is our second year as a team and it's been great so far. I'm grateful for her, though I pray she never read this (it would be offensive to her for personal reasons). I am very curious as to what another of my friends might be. (hint hint, all you have to do is click on the link and magically you will be taken to the test, please?)
At our meeting they had us each find the others that were us. My group was small, there were three of us, all women, and one of them was really not sure she belonged there, as I was reading the description of us she was shaking her head. That's not me, she said, and I, you will understand this if you are a Four, or if you read the description of Four, all I wanted to do was help her find out where she did belong! So really I think there were just two in my group. We weren't the smallest group though, there was a group with only one lone soul, the Ones. The Reformer. Only one of them in our entire team of 50 people. There is a compatibility section on that site too, it is meant for romantic relationships but you can kinda draw lines to how it would apply to a co worker, which is why they mentioned it at our meeting. I learned that I might be very interested in a Reformer of my own. The one in our group is taken, and young enough to be my son!
I got totally sidetracked here. I wanted, when I started this, to talk about being a North, but being a bit more forgetful now days I am trying to embrace some of the West that is in me. I try at least once a year to embrace lists and agendas and planners. I find one I love, buy it and use it for about a week, or a month, then I just carry it around until I admit I will never use it again and it gets tossed out, or buried at the bottom of the closet. So I didn't want to waste that kind of money this year, mostly because I haven't got money to waste. I searched online for a free planner that I liked. I found one that was pretty good, printed it out and quickly realized the things that needed to change to make it workable for me. Then I created my own! I keep tweaking it, as I use it, improving it to keep myself using it. I enjoyed creating it. Probably enjoyed it too much. But then I enjoy creating all manner of handouts and flyers for work so, should it be surprising? I wonder if there is a possible future career in that sorta thing? As soon as I figure out how to post my Planner Page here, I will. I want to share it with the world, or the one or two other people who stumble upon my blog.
I know I have written for well over my 20 minute suggestion and I've said a lot today. If I keep speaking it's possible I'll run out of things to say and then what will I toss up here tomorrow? Best if I sign off now while I still can!
That is in my work life though, and I suppose really I turn that off as soon as I leave the building. At team meetings I'm not the charge forward bulldoze everyone sort. Okay well we are not mentioning the time I shouted (yes SHOUTED) "NO!". I was justified. I was. When you are told at just after 11 am that the trainers only have another hour and a half of material to present for the entire day, you don't say a 30 minute lunch is needed. You DON'T! No you pull on your big person drawers and you blaze through. In the end I was heard, sort of, they settled on a 20 minute break. Generally speaking though, I'm not my super North at team meetings, I'm content to sit and listen, input as needed and let others take the lead.
In my personal life, things are different. I'm an extreme South, and a submissive. It got me wondering if all Souths might be submissive. Even as I type that I think nope, I don't think they are, I think they would be doormats. However that could be my North coming out. I abhor weakness, which could lead me down a whole road of possible causes of self hatred. I mean submissive, means weak doesn't it? Isn't that why they need someone to tell them what to do? (Oh if you could see the grin on my face as I am typing...) Submissives aren't weak. Think about it. (Really, stop right here and think a moment about this) Do you have the courage to put your care and decisions into the hands of another? Do you trust someone else enough to let them decide what you can take and for how long?
For the record I am not talking Fifty Shades of Stupid, submission. I hated that book. I loved Mr. Grey, the things I could do with a man like that. If he'd let me, of course. (Laughing) If I would have been holding a book, instead of my Kindle (which I LOVE, by the way, thank you my Aussie friend, for encouraging that purchase!) I would have thrown the book across the room at the end. She is a fool, that character. I wanted to shake her, tell her to move aside and let a real woman show her how it's done. So naturally I feel no desire to read the other two books in the series. I hear she ruins Grey, pussy whips, I imagine. Sure I want love in my relationship, but I also want spice and pain and to be driven. So my dominant should love me, love me enough to call me a worthless cunt and take a whip to me. Or say nothing while gagging me with his cock down my throat. It's not too much to ask, is it?
At our last team meeting, we discussed the results of three of the four personality tests we were asked to take. My favorite, hands down, was the Enneagram, I found it to be the hardest one. A lot of the statements could have been me. We all say that, I know because at lunch another team member borrowed my Mac, took the test and kept saying, these both could be me. However it was particularly challenging to me because I've changed, fundamentally, since June. So I'm trying hard to be the person I always wanted to be, the one who demands action and adventure because life is short and you never know when you won't be part of it anymore. I must have did something right on that test though because it announced that I am a type Four, the Individualist. Aside from a few minor points of contention I would agree. I am a Four. Now I am curious about what others I know might be. My co worker, member of the team I work with daily, is a Helper, and we both got the Investigator as our second. We work well together, her and I, this is our second year as a team and it's been great so far. I'm grateful for her, though I pray she never read this (it would be offensive to her for personal reasons). I am very curious as to what another of my friends might be. (hint hint, all you have to do is click on the link and magically you will be taken to the test, please?)
At our meeting they had us each find the others that were us. My group was small, there were three of us, all women, and one of them was really not sure she belonged there, as I was reading the description of us she was shaking her head. That's not me, she said, and I, you will understand this if you are a Four, or if you read the description of Four, all I wanted to do was help her find out where she did belong! So really I think there were just two in my group. We weren't the smallest group though, there was a group with only one lone soul, the Ones. The Reformer. Only one of them in our entire team of 50 people. There is a compatibility section on that site too, it is meant for romantic relationships but you can kinda draw lines to how it would apply to a co worker, which is why they mentioned it at our meeting. I learned that I might be very interested in a Reformer of my own. The one in our group is taken, and young enough to be my son!
I got totally sidetracked here. I wanted, when I started this, to talk about being a North, but being a bit more forgetful now days I am trying to embrace some of the West that is in me. I try at least once a year to embrace lists and agendas and planners. I find one I love, buy it and use it for about a week, or a month, then I just carry it around until I admit I will never use it again and it gets tossed out, or buried at the bottom of the closet. So I didn't want to waste that kind of money this year, mostly because I haven't got money to waste. I searched online for a free planner that I liked. I found one that was pretty good, printed it out and quickly realized the things that needed to change to make it workable for me. Then I created my own! I keep tweaking it, as I use it, improving it to keep myself using it. I enjoyed creating it. Probably enjoyed it too much. But then I enjoy creating all manner of handouts and flyers for work so, should it be surprising? I wonder if there is a possible future career in that sorta thing? As soon as I figure out how to post my Planner Page here, I will. I want to share it with the world, or the one or two other people who stumble upon my blog.
I know I have written for well over my 20 minute suggestion and I've said a lot today. If I keep speaking it's possible I'll run out of things to say and then what will I toss up here tomorrow? Best if I sign off now while I still can!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)